You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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