i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
