you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
