Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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