we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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