yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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