he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
