I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
