I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
