It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
