that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
