Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
