I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
