can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
