Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
