So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
