We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
