some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize