do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
