don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
