Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
