i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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