dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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