Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize