I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
