did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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