he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
