Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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