Pappa wants mamma naked
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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