When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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