He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
