I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
