"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
