so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
