dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
