Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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