We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
