Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
