In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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