i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We are all done wearing pants today
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
