I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
