Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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