Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
