How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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