so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
