I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize