After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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