For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
