I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
