Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dick very happy bro
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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