sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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