everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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