i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
