Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
