the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
