I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
