Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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