fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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