STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
