Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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