saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
