12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize