you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize