if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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