Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
