Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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