Ambien. No doubt about it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
