I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
