my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
