I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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