It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
do nipples grow back?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
