the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
