you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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