just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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