I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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