the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
