I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
