why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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