I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
