Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize