so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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