So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
