It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
