If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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