just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
