it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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