Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
