I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
