im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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