you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize