apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
