I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
