she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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