Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
