Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
