wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
