she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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