It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
