i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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