You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
