I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize