I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
