): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
