The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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